What A Messy House Really Says About You
When you search for “messy house” on google — 99% of the articles are things like how to clean your messy house in a day, in 1-hour, while you sleep. Ok, probably not the last one but obviously, you get my drift.
And I get it — when you have a messy house you want a quick fix so the nature of getting it done in a single day is sexy. It’s appealing. Because it sounds like it solves your problem. Or does it?
Maybe it does, for now.
But eventually, quick tips, tricks, hacks + everything of the sort will fail. And they’ll fail for one very obvious reason — because it’s a broken belief system. It’s a bunch of fragmented ideas strung together that seems like good advice (+ perhaps given in the right context it is) but my friend, nothing in life is constant.
Truthfully, the one fact about life that is constant... is that it’s constantly changing. This means that in time, eventually, your home will become messy again.
There’s a fantastic quote, which I have referenced on numerous occasions, by a great mentor of ours, Sean Low, where he says that “frustration leads to more frustration, which leads to hopelessness.” And boo, that’s exactly what happens when you blindly trust all of those quick tips which quite frankly, aren’t specific to the way you live. Eventually, they fail. Because in order to fix a messy house you have to embrace the hard work, get to the root cause of clutter. Instead of putting a bandaid on the whole situation, you have to truly understand why you want to be organized.
But first, let’s talk about an extremely common organizing belief system that’s fragmented, faulty + every other word under the moon that means: broken.
Being Organized Isn’t A Constant State
99% of people who live with clutter do so despite the fact that they’re completely capable of having an organized home. Why you ask? Because they believe in a broken system. Living in an organized home isn’t something you can just “do it once + for all.” It isn’t a final destination. You can’t simply “set it + forget it.”— because nothing in life is constant.
For instance, what about exercising is once and for all? Nothing. It’s about making the hard work fun.
What about parenting is once and for all? Nothing. It’s about the lifelong journey of memories.
Actually, I want you to pause for a minute, take a look around you. And know that if you’re immediately overcome by feelings of unhappiness, frustration, anxiety... know that you’re not alone. More importantly boo, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
We’ve all got stuff. Big stuff, little stuff, paper stuff, stuff in between stuff :) No joke, the constant stream of clutter is present in all of our lives. So while “organizing your messy house with three tips that Reese Witherspoon uses” sounds really nice. So does chocolate cake for breakfast every morning *wink!*
You see, home should be a place that’s built on a foundation that’s everything you need + nothing more because winning the war with clutter isn’t about anyone else but yourself. When it comes to getting organized there's no one size fits all. Rather like habits + routines, organizing systems should be custom-tailored to you + your family’s way of living.
But let there be no mistake that even in a beautiful, functional home that’s designed, organized + that’s meant to be used –– even the best solutions are going to fall out of order every now + again. Which means that as life evolves, the organizing systems you set up will absolutely need to be modified + adjusted. Sure some things will take root + work for a long time while for others you may need to reassess every year (or each quarter.)
Which is why we say that “like life, home is continuous!”
Breaking Bad Habits
What does a messy house say about you?
Well, first + foremost, a messy house doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or parent. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about your home or how you live. It simply means you’re human. You’ve allowed life, work, + responsibilities to take over...welcome to the club.
But how do you take back control of your home?
Well, it starts by breaking bad habits + quite frankly, we all have bad habits.
Whether it’s tossing clothes in the dryer + forgetting to fold them
Putting dirty dishes in the sink instead of rinsing them off + loading the dishwasher…
Shoving things in the junk drawer (because you have no clue what else to do with it)
Naturally, when it comes to our homes, most people are discerning. And when we come face to face with areas where clutter, decision or any other form of uncertainty bottlenecks, we default to the path of least resistance. We look the other way. We turn a blind eye for weeks, months or sometimes even years without ever giving these areas of our home so much as a 2nd thought.
Yep, I’m talking about:
the counter space –– where you stack the mail.
the mudroom –– where bags are dropped + shoes are sprawled everywhere
the chair in your bedroom –– where your clothes get tossed + never put away.
You see, in a messy house, bad habits abound.
In fact, there’s a fabulous quote by Seth Godin, who says, “Your audacious life goals are fabulous. We’re proud of you for having them. But it’s possible that those goals are designed to distract you from the thing that’s really frightening you—the shift in daily habits that would mean a reinvention of how you see yourself.”
Likely, if you’re reading this you hope to have a beautifully organized home (someday) but the harsh reality is that far too often, we allow our overzealous desires to drive us towards trying to solve an entire problem in one fell swoop. Wham. Ba. Thank you ma’am!
Like –– trying to organize your entire home in a day or in an hour.
Instead, change a small thing, like starting a new routine, and allow the repetition of doing it over + over again to create massive change in our homes + in our lives over time.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habit says “you don’t break bad habits you replace them.”
Framework For Breaking Replacing Bad Habits
Clear says that “bad habits address certain needs in your life.” And if you think about this, we all know this — a messy house is a mess because you are stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted from life and in the moment your need to sit down + relax is greater than your need for a beautifully organized home.
So how then do you break bad habits? How do you decide at that moment that sitting down + relaxing with Netflix isn’t what I truly want?
Easy, start by replacing your bad habits with good ones. And by good, I mean with habits you’ve decided move you closer to your goals, not further away.
You see, what Seth Godin said was brilliant “... daily habits that reinvent how you see yourself.” And that couldn’t be more true for our belief about home. Whether they’re daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly or annual things you do to create + maintain a home with everything you need + nothing more — good habits are formed by doing a routine aligned with your ultimate goals over + over again.
I’m curious, are you familiar with the Crazy Cycle of Disorganization? If not, you’ll definitely want to keep reading.
On the right, is a plan which puts you in control of clutter + ultimately leads to a life with less stress + more time. On the left, without a plan, you’ll experience the exact opposite. You see, the lack of having a plan, leads to bad habits (inaction) which allows clutter to take over + makes you feel –– fatigued, overwhelmed + defeated by a *gasp!* messy house.
WITH A PLAN, you get a home that’s beautiful + functional.
WITHOUT A PLAN, you get a messy house.
Establish + Set Clear Goals
What a messy house really says about you friend, is that you lack clear goals. It doesn’t say anything about your ability nor your worthiness *wink*.
And what I suggest you do (well before looking for tips, tricks + other organizing hacks) is spend some time getting really clear on why organizing your messy house is important.
What does having a messy house mean to you?
What does having an organized home mean to you?
Why do you want to change?
Does having an organized home make you feel proud?
Does it make you feel like you’re a better parent or partner?
Certainly, this is a meditative process + there’s no right or wrong answer.
Your why will ultimately become a really important part of finding + staying motivated. Even when you don’t feel like following simple routines + try reverting back to the old way of doing things (psst…. these would be poor habits!)
My friend, your why changes the introspective conversation you have with yourself from:
“should I do this” to “I have to do this because”
While empowering you to create the home you ultimately dream of.
More importantly, it’s going to help guide every single decision you make throughout the entire process.
In fact, when you set clear goals boo, for yourself + your home — not only will you uncover a level of confidence but you’ll also be able to utilize “your why,” in a way that makes decisions easier.
Knowing that something is either moving you closer towards your goal of an organized home or further away. And trust me –– knowledge is power!
And now that you understand WHY the key to organizing a messy house isn’t solvable in one hour or even one (day because home is continuously evolving) you can rest assured that you are in a much better place now than when you woke up this morning.
At Elegant Simplicity, we’re not short on organizing hacks or tips that can make home a more organized place but the reality is that having a messy house isn’t about teaching you new things to do. Getting organized is about looking inward to find out why + then creating organizing systems around your routines that make life more intuitive + functional.
Well, there you have it...everything you need to know! And don’t forget, if you’re in the preliminary planning stages of your next project, let’s chat.
P.S. If you loved this article then you’re going to really enjoy the4 Days To A More Beautiful + Functional Home.