How To Eliminate Emotional Clutter For Healthy Relationships In Your Home
At Elegant Simplicity, our mission is to change the world by changing the world’s perspective of home. To become the world’s authority in how to create home around everything you need + nothing more.
This is work we find so much fulfillment in each day because our homes are designed + organized *wink* to be our sanctuaries. Yet often, the unseen and even at times unspoken emotional clutter within these walls can really impact the very foundation of the relationships that exist here.
When we’re challenged by physical clutter, we see its prevalence in our home. It takes up physical square footage. But emotional clutter, is something we hold onto and it silently erodes the quality of the connections and the relationships we have with others.
Emotional clutter is a persistent pain — we can mask it for a while. Like physical clutter, we can throw it in a closet, stick it in a drawer but eventually when left undealt with, emotional clutter takes over not just how we feel but how we think + how we act.
But that’s not you! You’re about clearing the emotional cutter to create healthy relationships in your home with those you love.
So, let’s dive in + discover what emotional clutter really is, how to eliminate it when it arises + create strong bonds that you’ll cherish for a lifetime.
What Is Emotional Clutter in Relationships At Home
Emotional clutter is a persistent negative thought and feeling that clouds our mental and emotional state and erodes the relationships in our home.
Emotional Clutter Sounds Like…
"I ought to be better at ______."
"I'm swamped with too much."
"My workload is just too much for me."
"I feel underappreciated."
"I end up doing all the work here."
"He/She should understand my feelings without me saying."
"I'm failing as a [parent/partner/friend]."
"This task is beyond my abilities."
"I'm on the edge of losing it!"
"I struggle with ______."
"I'm not ______ as I should be."
Emotional clutter is simple, but not easy. It’s clutter that harms our perception of self, alters our view on life, and causes us to judge ourselves and others.
Emotional clutter alters our emotional well-being.
Emotional clutter impacts our relationships.
And emotional clutter changes our overall quality of life.
Emotional clutter is as far away from a life that is truly Elegant Simplicity as possible.
Where Does Emotional Clutter Come From
One of the ways that we see emotional clutter manifest in our relationships at home is when tension, misunderstanding or conflict arises and isn’t dealt with. When we don’t work through the things in our homes + our lives that cause us friction — they not only become unresolved issues but they become negative thinking patterns or even worse, trauma.
Not dealing with emotional clutter, influences not only the well-being over yourself, but influences the emotional tone of the home.
Emotional Clutter Arises When…
"I ought to be better at ______." → we feel… like we’re not doing a good job.
"I'm swamped with too much." → we feel like… we’re not clear on our priorities.
"My workload is just too much for me." → we feel like… time is an issue.
"I feel underappreciated." → we feel like… we’re not cared for.
"I end up doing all the work here." → we feel like… we’re all alone.
"He/She should understand my feelings without me saying." → we feel like… we’re unseen.
"I'm failing as a [parent/partner/friend]." → we feel like… we’re disconnected.
"This task is beyond my abilities." → we feel like… we’re incapable.
"I'm on the edge of losing it!" → we feel like… we can’t handle what we’ve been tasked with.
"I struggle with ______." → we feel like… we don’t know how.
"I'm not ______ as I should be." → we feel like… we’re out of control.
But the reality is my friend…
“Clutter Creates Chaos, But Systems Save Sanity.”
And that’s because clearing clutter involves following a system and executing a process. Whether that clutter is physical or emotional, at Elegant Simplicity we follow a proven process we call The Need Formula® to Assess + Curate a home and a life that is Elegant Simplicity®.
That’s what creates real transformation in your home + ultimately in your life: Assess, then Curate.
As it relates to emotional clutter, working The Need Formula® ultimately leads to you being more positive emotionally and ultimately helping to create healthy relationships in your home.
Sounds amazing, right?!?!
We know, that’s why we’ve got several simple steps that will help you clear out your emotional clutter, friend!
Identify Your Emotional Clutter
The journey to a life that is Elegant Simplicity in a home that has everything you need + nothing more begins with introspection.
Identify the things that cause you friction, they make you feel a certain way + they ultimately make you think negative thoughts → THIS is your emotional clutter.
It looks different than a stack of papers on the kitchen counter, or a bunch of kids toys scattered throughout your living room or a messy laundry room but emotionally it’s all of those things.
Focus particularly on the thoughts that stir up strong negative emotions in you. And you can use the section from above “Emotional Clutter Sounds Like” to assist in this process.
And you want to write these down — we recommend on your phone so you can keep adding to them as you recognize them.
Pick One Aspect Of Emotional Clutter + Assess Why
Starting with one allows you to begin to dive deep into the feelings around the emotional clutter because it likely has a significant impact on the relationships you have in your home.
In other words, if you selected, "I'm swamped with too much."
Assessing this emotional clutter is really simple because it’s pure logic. It’s the emotion behind it that makes it feel difficult.
Why do I feel like I’m swamped with too much?
Despite how prominent this negative thought feels, when we ask ourselves the simple question, “why?” It’s amazing how quickly our emotional clutter starts to clear itself up.
Perhaps, as we mapped above, you’re not clear on your priorities. You may want to be spending more time with your family but you find yourself always stuck doing something else.
There are real reasons why you might feel this way but we’re not in the process of curating the “what” needs to change, yet.
We’re still going deep into the process of “why” this is happening and “why” this is important to you.
Practice Awareness With This Emotional Clutter
Each time that this feeling starts to creep up + this negative thought takes over. You’re not just acknowledging the thought, you’re working through “why” it’s here again.
Consciously notice this thought begins the first step towards actually eliminating emotional clutter. We have to be aware of it before we can lessen the thought's control over our emotions.
Curate The What
Understanding the “why” behind the emotional clutter is important but it’s only one part of the equation. To eliminate emotional clutter, we have to also curate the “what.”
What needs to change in order for me to not feel this way? In order for me to not think this way?
Sometimes, this is actually something physical like we need to calendar time for 1:1 with our partner or our children.
And sometimes, this is more mental — like we need to understand that we’re unfinished, we’re not perfect, in fact we’re a work in progress. So, we can “feel like we’re swamped” in the moment but know that pushing forward and continuing on may actually eliminate the emotional clutter.
We think of assessing the why as reminding ourselves of the things that are important to us, and curating the “what” as identifying what needs to change to make them priority.
Repeat for Lasting Change
Consistency is key.
Regularly practicing this process helps to gradually clear away layers of emotional clutter, leading to healthier, more positive relationships at home.
Tackling emotional clutter is a profound step towards nurturing and strengthening the relationships in our home. It's a journey of continuous effort, but the rewards are a more peaceful, harmonious, and loving home environment.
Remember, clearing emotional clutter is not a one-time task but an ongoing process of nurturing and caring for the emotional health of your home and relationships.
If you love this — get ready for another happy dance. Enjoy our FREE Video Course: 4 Days To A More Beautiful + Functional Home. If you’re wanting to dive even deeper into the world of organizing or design — let’s chat.