Couples Journaling: A Simple Practice For Connecting More Deeply At Home
In the whirlwind of pursuing professional accomplishments while also navigating the, sometimes, complex aspects of personal life, it’s no wonder that carving out moments for meaningful connection with your partner might seem like yet another line on an endless to-do list.
However, the true essence of a fulfilling relationship—and indeed, a beautiful home—transcends interior design + professional organizing.
At Elegant Simplicity, we understand that the foundation of truly beautiful home lies in the depth and quality of the relationships within them. It's in the shared moments of vulnerability, understanding, and intimacy that a house truly becomes a home.
And in the home, relationships are built or broken. And we don’t want broken relationships *wink*
So today, we’re diving into exactly how to foster intimate relationships for a better home.
One simple, yet profoundly impactful way to nurture these connections is through the practice of couples journaling. While we want our homes to look gorgeous, creating a home that’s Elegant Simplicity® is about fostering an environment where relationships can flourish, making every corner of your home resonate with love and connection.
Journaling is practice that John + Sherri do daily together + below they open up with us + share their thoughts on how consistently pouring into their relationship, specifically through journaling together, has transformed + strengthened their bond together.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
The Essence of Couples Journaling
Couples journaling is not about documenting day-to-day activities but rather about exploring thoughts, feelings, dreams, and fears in a shared space of vulnerability and trust.
It’s a practice that, when done individually and then shared, can significantly deepen the bond between partners, offering insights into each other's inner worlds that might not surface in everyday conversation.
Why Journal?
For high-achievers, which we know you are, friend, the act of journaling can serve as a place of solitude from the demands of the outside world. It can feel like a moment in time to retreat into yourself. Where the focus shifts from external things to do or achieve to the internal landscape of your emotions + desires.
And then, when shared with your partner — it’s an opportunity to reflect on personal growth, your relationship dynamics, and the journey you share with each other.
Mindfulness Is Backed By Science
Ok, we’d not be doing our diligence if we didn’t mention the positive role that mindfulness, + journaling in particular, can play in improving the relatedness, closeness and acceptance of one another in relationships… which ultimately leads to better relationships (Carson et al., 2004).
And if you’re reading this friend, it’s safe to say — relationships in your home matter to you :)
The Benefits of Couples Journaling From John + Sherri’s Perspective
NonJudgemental Communication Environment
It’s no secret, if you want better relationships in your life — you must learn to communicate more effectively.
Whether it be your relationship with yourself, the thoughts + feelings you have or your relationship with your spouse — fostering an environment that allows you to communicate openly, honestly + without fear of judgment is critical.
Journaling is such a gentle nod to express thoughts and feelings that we might find difficult to articulate in spoken words.
Increased Empathy
Sharing your journal entries with your partner allows them to see the world from your perspective.
Sometimes what you share moves mountains in your day-to-day relationship because it causes your bestie to consider and reflect on something they may have never thought of. And sometimes, it’s not a monumental share but rather a glimpse into your perspective that gives them a much deeper understanding of you.
Sherri + John have been together for nearly two decades, so they’re not newbies to one another, and they’re still growing each day — together.
Shared Goals and Dream
Journaling about individual goals and dreams is important because you each need to know one another on a deep level. But then, taking it a step further is to journal about shared goals + dreams.
This will significantly strengthen the bond between you and provide a space for both of you to express aspirations, hopes, and dreams for a shared future.
Collaborative Problem-Solving
Journaling can also act as a catalyst for collaborative problem-solving. At Elegant Simplicity, John + Sherri talk a lot about how we view “problems.” One of the most satisfying ways that one can look at problems is to “dance with the challenge” as John says.
When obstacles or challenges arise in relationships, looking at them in a playful manner — like dancing with them — helps each other find creative solutions that emphasize an empathy towards the others perspective while still having a perspective of your own.
Growth and Development
Journaling as practice not only helps in strengthening your relationship but promotes personal growth and development as well. As we mentioned above, journaling lends itself to mindfulness which increases the potential for better relationships.
Journaling encourages individuals to reflect on your personal goal, reassess your priorities, and make necessary adjustments to your plans.
Creating a Shared Legacy
Beyond just the individual and relationship benefits of journaling, when shared with your partner a shared vision for the future becomes apparent. For John and Sherri, this has allowed them to think beyond their lifetime, contemplating the mark they want to leave on their family, their friends + their world — together.
How to Begin Journaling
Choose Your Medium
Whether it’s a shared digital document or two separate physical journals, select a medium that feels most comfortable for both of you.
We recommend that you choose two separate documents that you can access easily on your phone. This way, you can write simultaneously + without disturbance to the other.
Make Journaling Routine
Dedicate a specific time each day or week to write in your journal and a separate time to share and discuss your entries.
This ensures that the practice becomes a part of your routine, rather than an afterthought.
What works for John + Sherri, may or may not work for you, but they journal in the morning + then immediately afterwards, share with each other by reading their daily journal to one another.
What Not to Do While Journaling Together
Don’t Use the Journal as a Battleground
Avoid using your entries to criticize or blame one another. In fact, while the goal is to foster understanding, not create conflict, you also want to be mindful to keep your journal entry personal to you — meaning it’s always written as things you desire or hope for — not things “your partner should do.”
Don’t Skip the Sharing Part
The power of couples journaling lies in sharing and discussing your reflections. Keeping your thoughts to yourself defeats the purpose of deepening your connection together. In order for this simple practice to really be effective, you’ve got to prioritize both the time to journal + the time to share.
Our journaling practice ranges from 10-20 minutes a day — that’s it. Sometimes that’s 5-10 minutes of journaling and another 5-10 minutes of sharing + other times that’s a shorter journaling and a longer sharing time period.
It all depends on the day but we’re conscientious to ensure both of us get an opportunity each day. That’s really important.
Don’t Rush the Process
Give yourself and your partner the time to reflect and write thoughtfully. This isn’t about quantity but the quality of insights shared.
Now, I know we just gave you time frames ranging from 20-30 minutes but the important thing is for you to understand, if it takes 45 minutes a day for you guys to each journal and share, so be it.
Some days will be longer and others will be shorter — the daily practice is what matters most.
Making the Most of Your Journaling Time From John + Sherri’s Perspective
In order for your journaling practice to really deepen your connection with one another, here are a few tips that we recommend :)
Be Present
When sharing your journal entries, give each other your undivided attention. This is a sacred time to connect, free from distractions + so it’s really important that everyone is both physically present but also mentally present.
Listen Actively
When your partner is sharing, listen with an open heart. This idea of listening with an open heart is critical to connecting with anyone but certainly with your partner. And really that’s resisting the urge to interrupt or defend yourself.
Share with Love
Approach your sharing sessions, post journaling, with love and respect. Remember, this is about drawing closer, not driving a wedge between the two of you. Actively listening is a big part but on the other hand is actually sharing, being vulnerable + opening up.
Journaling Prompts to Get You Started
Here are several journaling prompts we use often, if nothing is flowing to us.
What was a moment this week when you felt particularly loved or appreciated by me?
Describe a challenge you faced this week. How did it make you feel, and how did you overcome it?
What is something you dream of doing together in the next year?
Reflect on a happy memory from our relationship. What made it special?
How can I better support you in your personal and professional goals?
Couples journaling is really a practice that requires vulnerability, honesty, and trust. By committing to doing this together, you’re not just documenting your relationship’s journey; you’re actively shaping it, choosing to connect deeply in a world that often celebrates surface-level interactions.
In the end, the goal of couples journaling is to create a home environment where both of you feel seen, heard, and deeply connected. It’s about carving out a space amidst the demands of work and family life where your relationship is the priority.
This makes home, a sanctuary where love and understanding flourish.
Remember that the true beauty of the practice of couples journaling lies in the shared commitment to grow closer, to understand each other more deeply, and to build a life together that reflects both your dreams and your values.
It’s a testament to the belief that, even in the busiest of lives, making time to connect at a profound level is not just possible but essential for a fulfilling relationship.
That’s our rift for today, thanks for tuning in :)
Don’t forget, if you’re in the preliminary planning stages of your next project, let’s chat.